Compliments of his mother.

So I did survive my bad luck day, which means it is still my bad luck day. This year I did not want to survive it. Everyday now is a new experience in pressure and stress.

I'm still have trouble finding a place to live. I have been saving money, basically by not eating. I'm depressed enough to end it all as is, and then there was this sign.

You may ask what this sign has to do with me. This sign is on the church across the street from Alex's house. This is the church that Alex's mother Sara goes to, as well as his Sister-in-law, Tammy and her two daughters, Sierra and Hannah. Also about all of Alex' s family goes to this church. Sara is in charge of the sign. She picks the sayings and puts the letters on the sign. I guess she feels that I have been staying too long also. Because living with her cruel son hasn't been enough punishment, she needs to let me know that I need to go too. Now no one here has offered me the least little bit of help, let alone any true friendship or support, but I guess they don't want me to mistake their indifference for kindness somehow. So let it be known to all, that I KNOW THAT I AM NOT WANTED!!

I do wish that they would consider my feelings a little, and understand that I do not want to stay either. And that I am doing the best I can.

Does this bother anyone else? This is a church sign. Church, which is suppose to be a home of Christians, yet none of them, not even one, has offered any help. I have never been that fond of the church. The people who attend look like they are going to work, rather than going to worship. I don't agree with their beliefs either. They once let there children's group hold a walk-a-thon to raise money to go to Myrtle Beach. They let them use a charity fund raiser to raise money for their own selfish purposes. I have never been able to respect that, and I didn't agree with them being allowed to do it. The kids could have sold candy, or had a bake sale, or raised the money in more responsible manner, but instead all they did was walk around a circle and people gave them money for it. I thought it was an insult to the true charities that do these types of fundraisers to raise money, not for themselves, but mostly for other people who suffering from a deadly disease, or have family members suffering. They are not out there raising money for themselves to go to the movies, or go on vacation. I did not agree, and although I tried to explain how I felt about, they held it anyway, and did not appreciate the fact that I refused to give them money for it.

When I first came to live with Alex, I thought these were some of the best people, not for how they treated me, which has always been with no small amount of indifference, but for how they treated others. They were at that time helping to rebuild a woman's house for her because she had no place to live. The woman is Tammy's mother, and she has 5 children of her own, none of which, with the exception of Tammy to a small degree, would even help her or give her a place to stay. But this family of people, Alex's family, got together and rebuilt this woman's house. And it may be that this is the reason they won't offer any help to me. Maybe they don't feel they received enough gratitude from her. Maybe they have fulfilled their charity quota and they feel the rest can fin for themselves. I don't know. I have always felt very alone there, at least until Alex got the puppies, which he gets to keep, and I have to leave behind, never to see again.

So the issues are my own. Everything is my fault. And I am the one who deserves to suffer and am doing so, very much. I hope this will satisfy everyone.

I would ask you to pray for me, but it is my experience that Christians don't pray for others and do not need to be bothered with the sufferings of the others. So feel free to do what they do, and ignore this post.

Bright blessings to everyone, anyway.