Compliments of his mother.

So I did survive my bad luck day, which means it is still my bad luck day. This year I did not want to survive it. Everyday now is a new experience in pressure and stress.

I'm still have trouble finding a place to live. I have been saving money, basically by not eating. I'm depressed enough to end it all as is, and then there was this sign.

You may ask what this sign has to do with me. This sign is on the church across the street from Alex's house. This is the church that Alex's mother Sara goes to, as well as his Sister-in-law, Tammy and her two daughters, Sierra and Hannah. Also about all of Alex' s family goes to this church. Sara is in charge of the sign. She picks the sayings and puts the letters on the sign. I guess she feels that I have been staying too long also. Because living with her cruel son hasn't been enough punishment, she needs to let me know that I need to go too. Now no one here has offered me the least little bit of help, let alone any true friendship or support, but I guess they don't want me to mistake their indifference for kindness somehow. So let it be known to all, that I KNOW THAT I AM NOT WANTED!!

I do wish that they would consider my feelings a little, and understand that I do not want to stay either. And that I am doing the best I can.

Does this bother anyone else? This is a church sign. Church, which is suppose to be a home of Christians, yet none of them, not even one, has offered any help. I have never been that fond of the church. The people who attend look like they are going to work, rather than going to worship. I don't agree with their beliefs either. They once let there children's group hold a walk-a-thon to raise money to go to Myrtle Beach. They let them use a charity fund raiser to raise money for their own selfish purposes. I have never been able to respect that, and I didn't agree with them being allowed to do it. The kids could have sold candy, or had a bake sale, or raised the money in more responsible manner, but instead all they did was walk around a circle and people gave them money for it. I thought it was an insult to the true charities that do these types of fundraisers to raise money, not for themselves, but mostly for other people who suffering from a deadly disease, or have family members suffering. They are not out there raising money for themselves to go to the movies, or go on vacation. I did not agree, and although I tried to explain how I felt about, they held it anyway, and did not appreciate the fact that I refused to give them money for it.

When I first came to live with Alex, I thought these were some of the best people, not for how they treated me, which has always been with no small amount of indifference, but for how they treated others. They were at that time helping to rebuild a woman's house for her because she had no place to live. The woman is Tammy's mother, and she has 5 children of her own, none of which, with the exception of Tammy to a small degree, would even help her or give her a place to stay. But this family of people, Alex's family, got together and rebuilt this woman's house. And it may be that this is the reason they won't offer any help to me. Maybe they don't feel they received enough gratitude from her. Maybe they have fulfilled their charity quota and they feel the rest can fin for themselves. I don't know. I have always felt very alone there, at least until Alex got the puppies, which he gets to keep, and I have to leave behind, never to see again.

So the issues are my own. Everything is my fault. And I am the one who deserves to suffer and am doing so, very much. I hope this will satisfy everyone.

I would ask you to pray for me, but it is my experience that Christians don't pray for others and do not need to be bothered with the sufferings of the others. So feel free to do what they do, and ignore this post.

Bright blessings to everyone, anyway.

Bad Luck Day!!!

Here we go!!!

Well tomorrow is my bad luck day. But with everything going on, I wonder if it will be bad luck if I don't survive it. I'm not thinking it will.

July 9th. This day was orginally significant to me because this was my parents wedding anniversary. Tomorrow they would have been married for forty years, easily remembered as I was a prom night accident. My parents married in July and I was born the following January. Now back then this day wasn't really that bad for me. But my father died when I was 19, and since then the day isn't that lucky for me. I have been in two major car accidents on this date, totalling cars and creating those type of injuries that manage to stay around for a long time. What does that mean? My spine may never be straight again, some joints still moan and groan at different times. I have gotten tickets on this date at least once, but I think twice. Damn Nazis!!!! This date is also the date that my divorce for my one and only marriage was finalized. Actually, I feel quite confident in saying that the date on my head stone will read July 9. What year? Can't say yet, but with everything going on right now, tomorrow would not be that bad for me. I am so tired of this crap anyway.

What is also a possiblity, and this may lead to the head stone, is that something even worse could happen, and I will be expected to survive it. This is where you should be hearing wicked laughter, something like the late Vincent Price would do. Ahh well, I guess we'll wait and see. Just for shits and giggles though, I bought a lottery ticket for tomorrow night at lunch today. Isn't that funny? And with a few simple numbers this could just easily become the luckiest day of my life.

Yeah, right.

I do hope that all of you have a very blessed day and that only happy and wonderful things come your way!!

Blessed be!!

Happy July 4th to Everyone!!!

Here's some fireworks for ya!!!

I don't have a lot to write right now. I'm in the middle of some nasty stuff. My now ex-boyfriend Charles Alex Russell, went and found himself a new girlfriend. A nasty bit of work known as Dana. Now I don't have any money, but I have to find a place to live. She and he think it is funny and I have been enduring a great amount of cruelty from the two of them.

The really amazing thing to me is how stupid she is. I mean all she has to do is open her eyes and see how he treats the people and things that he loves so much. For instance, in a pen that is right up next to the house, he has a lab, dog. His name is Cotton, he is all white. This dog is in pen where the grass is all grown up to the point that you can hardly see the dog. He won't clean out this pen, he won't cut the grass down, he won't even clean out the water bucket for the dog. But she thinks this guy is going to treat her better.

And then there is the house itself. Now I don't know about you folks, but if my parents gave me a house, I would fix it up, clean it up and make it very comfortable for myself. All she has to do is walk thru, and I know that she has been in there, to see what needs to be done, and what could have been done by now. He has lived there for three years now.

Yes, but love is blind. Maybe, but it must be incapable of smell also, because Alex works in a land field and only showers once a week. He does no house cleaning, he doesn't pay his own bills either. He can't have a cell phone in his name because he owes every cell phone company there is money. He even had a pay as you go plan at one time that was only thirty dollars a month and would not pay that. He goes around creating debt, but not taking any responsibility for it later. Leaves it the loves of his life. His girlfriend before me, MI can attest to that also. I know now that he did do and tried to do that to her also, but she took him to court and now he has to pay two hundred dollars a month to Dorchester county or she can take his boat away. Yes, Alex does very well for himself, not by hisself, usually thru the efforts and work of the women he is involved with. But I did not do to her what Darling Dana is doing to me. Ahh, but Dana is going to get what is coming to her. I know for a fact that all Alex sees in her is $$$$ Dollar signs. How you ask, the only thing he has said about Dana is that she has two jobs!! Sound like true love to you?

But Darling Dana is enjoying her little cruelties also. All of the sudden, she is best friends with Alex's Mother Sara and Alex's sister-in-law, Tammy, both of which live right next door to us. So she just loves coming over, parking in our driveway and spending time with her best friends. The idiot doesn't realize how Alex is already using her. Alex, who is a severe alcoholic, & is partially afraid of getting a DUI, not really enough to keep from driving around with a little buzz and an open container, so he has Darling Dana come and get him. I wonder if he gives her gas money? Probably does right now, got to seem to be the great guy he is lying thru his teeth to get her to believe he is right now. Enjoy it while it last Darling Dana, cause it doesn't last long. If you want a real idea of what he is like, say something to him about his drinking in front of other people and see what happens.

The sad part is that this only proves how little loyalty there is in this world. Men have no loyalty to the women they get involved with, and women have no loyalty to other women. I would never do these things to another women, for what goes around comes around and I would not want this coming back on me. When are we going to stop doing these things to other people? And how much longer are we women going to allow men to get away with crap like this?!!!

IN the meantime, I'm practically homeless and have to spend all my time packing and looking for another place to live. Congratulations, Darling Dana on contributing to the homeless population!! And don't worry about the Karma, I'm sure that what he is doing to me right now, he will never do to you!!

ROFL!!!

Happy Fourth Everyone, and please say a little prayer for a happy independence for me.

Blessed be!!

It's so depressing, you just gotta laugh!!

I just thought this was a funny picture. I have been depressed lately with the way things are going. My positive attitude is being impossible to hold onto. But I am going to get thru this stupid crap and keep smiling!!

POSITIVE THINKING :-s !

Since my last post, I have been working hard at thinking positive and trying to change my attitude. I have to say, it really hasn't been easy. At first, it seemed like it would take some doing but was not impossible. But lately, is seems to be getting harder. It just feels like a lot of outside influences are weighing in on the negative side lately, and I am finding it harder and harder to drop the load and leave it lay.

For one thing, this wonky weather is wrecking havoc with my sinuses. I have been taking allergy medicine morning and night for over a year, and frankly the stuff should be so embedded in my system, I shouldn't be able to sneeze at all. That, however, is not the case. In fact, I can rarely do anything else. I wake up in the middle of the night with my head full of junk, and my nose running to the extremes. I literally use a whole box of tissue in one of these late night sessions. So finely this week, so tired of it, and just plain tired, I called the doctor and went in to see him that after noon. He gave me a different medicine, two more in fact, that will probably cost me more money than the last ones did. Not to mention, our insurance company change this year, that meant paying more for the doctor visit. Honestly, I hate going to doctors. The whole thing is a pain in the ass. I have to take time off from work, which means money coming out of my pocket, I have to pay for the doctor visit, which means more money coming out of my pocket, and I will of course have to pay for the prescriptions that the afore mentioned doctor visit will no doubt bring about. And of course those co-pays, which are fucking joke to begin with, went up too, so I will be paying more.

Then there is Alex. I've got to tell you, this guy is world champion caliber is selfishness!!! Yes sir, if there was a gold medal given out to the most selfish man, this man would be a top contender!! He is trying to get the motor right now for a car that he spends every single night in working on or just looking at for hours. And I, in the meantime, am suppose to be cleaning house, cooking meals, and paying all the bills. He pays one bill in the house, the electric bill, which because the electric company saw the price of everything else going up and did not want to be left out, the electric bill that was 75 dollars last year is not 11o dollars. Now he doesn't realize that the cable bill also went up, which I have to pay, by myself, and the cost of the gas to heat and cook with has doubled in the past year, which I also have to pay for, and the cost of gas for the car, which I drive three times farther than he does to get to work. And then there is the grocery bill. We use to do pretty well with about 50 dollars a week for groceries. Now before you say anything realize that it is just the two of us and two chihuahuas. But now we spend about 100 dollars a week in groceries.

I mean, what am suppose to think positive about? The fact that I haven't gone completely nuts and tried to kill myself, or him. Well good for me!! Yes, I see that lovely silver lining now. He is still alive to aggravate me, harass me, use me up and spit me out.

Yes, it is harder to think positive lately.
But I will not give up!!
Frankly, I have nothing else.

Thinking Positive!!!

About two weeks ago, I was flipping thru the channels on TV and came across and episode of Oprah. I don't usually watch her show, as I can't usually get that channel at this location. But the forces of nature were at work that day, in my favor, as it turns out. These ladies were discussing "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, and how thinking positive attracts positive things into your life. And this was all kinda funny, because as I stated we don't usually get that channel, and just as I found this show, my daughter calls me out of the blue and ask me if I am watching this show. (More evidence of the cosmic forces at work) So I tell her that I am and how I just found. So we both watch a little while and chat a little while. The next day on the way to work, I stopped and bought the book and the latest issue of Oprah magazine. This is the first issue of this magazine that I have ever even looked at, and I gotta say this is a really cool magazine. I like the look of it and the contents. Its not the usual or run of the mill jargon, but some very interesting information and large variety of issues. And while I don't usually subscribe to magazines, basically because I hate all that extra mail that comes encouraging you to subscribe more or to other magazines, I am considering a subscription to this magazine.

Now, I have not finished the book yet, but already I highly recommend it. It has already been a great influence in changing the way I think. Frankly, I didn't even realize how negative I am, and how easily being negative comes to me. But when you are trying to think positive and feel postive, you do realize. It is difficult to change that mind frame too. It takes a lot of stopping your thoughts and analyzing how you are feeling. And I never really understood why you should meditate before, but now I do. You need to stop and clear your head, because sometimes the negative can build up to phenomial proportions. It does go away either, you have to shove it away and replace it with the opposite, more positive aspect, or it stays and grows.

The magazine I purchased was for an article it had about making list. Now I like making list really, I weird that way. If I'm going on a trip, I make a packing list. If I am going to shopping, I make shopping list. If I don't, I over spend and spend needlessly, not that everything I buy I need, but it could be worse. So this list thing was intriguing. I talked about a lady who went to see a pyschic and she told her that the Universe wanted her to be happy, she just needed to decide on what she wanted. Then the pyschic told her to go home and a list of 100 qualities she wanted in a man. (The lady was lonely and wanted to know if she was going to be alone for the rest of her life.) By the way, 100 qualities is a lot. I have been working on my list now for two weeks. I up to about 50. I really wonder what she had on hers, just a peek maybe. Anyway, about three months after she made this list, she met a man. He was about 98% of her list, and they eventually got married, and are very happy together. But this list writing doesn't just apply to relationships, it can apply to anything. Me, personnally, I would like a new relationship that was way better than this one, but even more I would like a new home of my own. So another list I am working on is everything I want in my new house. I really love the place that is in my mind, I just have to concentrate and focus on being more positive and lot less negative!! Wish me luck!!

Bright Blessings to everyone!!!!

HAVE A HAPPY AND BLESSED IMBOLC!!

Happy Imbolc to all my sisters and brothers!!

Remember to light some candles and say a prayer to Brighid for a fruitful and abundant growing season!!!

This weekend I will be doing some crocheting and working on a pattern that I think I have designed in my mind. I hope to add it to this site and few of my other haunts.

To the mortals who see this, Happy Groundhog day!!

Bright blessings to all!!!