Since my last post, I have been working hard at thinking positive and trying to change my attitude. I have to say, it really hasn't been easy. At first, it seemed like it would take some doing but was not impossible. But lately, is seems to be getting harder. It just feels like a lot of outside influences are weighing in on the negative side lately, and I am finding it harder and harder to drop the load and leave it lay.
For one thing, this wonky weather is wrecking havoc with my sinuses. I have been taking allergy medicine morning and night for over a year, and frankly the stuff should be so embedded in my system, I shouldn't be able to sneeze at all. That, however, is not the case. In fact, I can rarely do anything else. I wake up in the middle of the night with my head full of junk, and my nose running to the extremes. I literally use a whole box of tissue in one of these late night sessions. So finely this week, so tired of it, and just plain tired, I called the doctor and went in to see him that after noon. He gave me a different medicine, two more in fact, that will probably cost me more money than the last ones did. Not to mention, our insurance company change this year, that meant paying more for the doctor visit. Honestly, I hate going to doctors. The whole thing is a pain in the ass. I have to take time off from work, which means money coming out of my pocket, I have to pay for the doctor visit, which means more money coming out of my pocket, and I will of course have to pay for the prescriptions that the afore mentioned doctor visit will no doubt bring about. And of course those co-pays, which are fucking joke to begin with, went up too, so I will be paying more.
Then there is Alex. I've got to tell you, this guy is world champion caliber is selfishness!!! Yes sir, if there was a gold medal given out to the most selfish man, this man would be a top contender!! He is trying to get the motor right now for a car that he spends every single night in working on or just looking at for hours. And I, in the meantime, am suppose to be cleaning house, cooking meals, and paying all the bills. He pays one bill in the house, the electric bill, which because the electric company saw the price of everything else going up and did not want to be left out, the electric bill that was 75 dollars last year is not 11o dollars. Now he doesn't realize that the cable bill also went up, which I have to pay, by myself, and the cost of the gas to heat and cook with has doubled in the past year, which I also have to pay for, and the cost of gas for the car, which I drive three times farther than he does to get to work. And then there is the grocery bill. We use to do pretty well with about 50 dollars a week for groceries. Now before you say anything realize that it is just the two of us and two chihuahuas. But now we spend about 100 dollars a week in groceries.
I mean, what am suppose to think positive about? The fact that I haven't gone completely nuts and tried to kill myself, or him. Well good for me!! Yes, I see that lovely silver lining now. He is still alive to aggravate me, harass me, use me up and spit me out.
Yes, it is harder to think positive lately.
But I will not give up!!
Frankly, I have nothing else.
